{"id":9123,"date":"2021-11-14T16:09:50","date_gmt":"2021-11-14T16:09:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/?page_id=9123"},"modified":"2021-12-02T07:08:06","modified_gmt":"2021-12-02T07:08:06","slug":"writing-sample-not-gay-as-in-happy","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/writing-sample-not-gay-as-in-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing Sample: Not Gay As In Happy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n
\n<\/div>\n\n

Not Gay As In Happy<\/strong><\/h4>\n
<\/h5>\n
I\u2019m not gay as in happy<\/h5>\n
but queer as in<\/h5>\n
I still have no fucking idea<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
wouldn\u2019t it have been easy<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
but few of us grew up in rainbow showers<\/h5>\n
we fumbled for our unicorn lovers<\/h5>\n
in pre-dawn hours<\/h5>\n
sneaking under-aged into Don\u2019t Tell Mama[1]<\/a><\/em><\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
and before I ever trusted to tell mama,<\/h5>\n
she bribed it out of my sister<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
at eighteen<\/h5>\n
moved to the US<\/h5>\n
encountered<\/h5>\n
cut and paste cis-pronouns<\/h5>\n
in activist spaces<\/h5>\n
dreamt of traveling from she<\/em> to shey<\/em> to them<\/em><\/h5>\n
and an entire fucked up cistem can\u2019t hide behind h\u00e4n[2]<\/a> <\/em><\/h5>\n
but it used to give me some space<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
collegiate athlete soccer tomboys<\/h5>\n
we snorted adderall[3]<\/a> before<\/h5>\n
drunk-driving into the only femme gay bar<\/h5>\n
where we rubbed our sixpacks<\/h5>\n
against chicks with baggy jeans and snap-backs[4]<\/a><\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
to me<\/h5>\n
queer tastes likes<\/h5>\n
cutting my hair<\/h5>\n
to mirror imagery<\/h5>\n
of what femme beyond binary<\/h5>\n
could be<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
dreaming dreams<\/h5>\n
of unfettered empathy<\/h5>\n
I only ever glimpsed<\/h5>\n
high on LSD<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
interrogating my own complicity<\/h5>\n
with oppression<\/h5>\n
stepping up<\/h5>\n
and then stepping<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
the<\/h5>\n
fuck<\/h5>\n
back<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
unpopular opinions<\/h5>\n
feminist killjoys[5]<\/a><\/h5>\n
and the threat<\/h5>\n
of misogynistic violence<\/h5>\n
aimed to shut us up<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
queer tastes like utopia<\/h5>\n
for future generations<\/h5>\n
but understanding<\/h5>\n
that our value isn\u2019t defined through<\/h5>\n
whether or not we contribute to<\/h5>\n
of reproductive labor of this<\/h5>\n
nation<\/h5>\n
founded on the dreams of white rich men<\/h5>\n
they nominated each other<\/h5>\n
to emblaze the national canon<\/h5>\n
after the political massacre<\/h5>\n
of hundreds of red[6]<\/a> girls and women<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
not gay as in happy but<\/h5>\n
queer as in fuck you<\/h5>\n
and one day when I am less<\/h5>\n
bound by anxiety attacks<\/h5>\n
triggered by the smell of cheap beer<\/h5>\n
cigarettes and the lingering \u201cno\u201d<\/h5>\n
I never knew how to conjure<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
one day<\/h5>\n
or on some day<\/h5>\n
or maybe some day soon<\/h5>\n
I will say not gay as in happy but<\/h5>\n
queer as in FUCK YOU<\/h5>\n
and YES I would LOVE to get fucked too<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
and I will fuck you<\/h5>\n
like you have never been fucked before<\/h5>\n
you bet I will send your ass
\nyou soaring over that lubed-up rainbow<\/h5>\n
and when you cum \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 crashing on that treasure bed<\/h5>\n
I will tell you to keep sucking my fingers<\/h5>\n
because I am right here<\/h5>\n
behind you<\/h5>\n
high on your shudders of sweat<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
not gay as in happy<\/h5>\n
but queer as in<\/h5>\n
I still have no fucking idea.<\/h5>\n

\n

<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
[1]<\/a> Don\u2019t tell mama is an iconic lgbtq+ night club in Helsinki<\/h5>\n
[2]<\/a> H\u00e4n is the Finnish personal pronoun that is used for everyone, Finland only has one (so no he\/she just h\u00e4n).<\/h5>\n
[3]<\/a> Adderall is an amphetamine stimulant that is prescribed to people who have been diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. It is sometimes used recreationally to stay awake longer and be able to drink more alcohol.<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
[4]<\/a> A snap-back is an other word for a specific kind of baseball cap.<\/h5>\n
[5]<\/a> Feminist Killjoy is a term coined by the feminist scholar Sarah Ahmed<\/h5>\n
[6]<\/a> The Finnish Civil War of 1918 was fought between White Finland and Finnish Socialist Worker\u2019s Republic (Red Finland). In the Hennala prison camp over 220 women of the Red Guard were executed in a mass murder that has only recently been publicly discussed in Finland. It has been argued that the brutal executions were carried out to advance so-called \u201dracial purity\u201d (eugenics), because the women were deemed \u201dunfit\u201d to reproduce.<\/h5>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

Original work published in English in the collection T\u00e4\u00e4ll\u00e4 en pyyd\u00e4 en\u00e4\u00e4 anteeksi<\/em> (Here I No Longer Apologize)<\/strong><\/h6>\n
Published by Pes\u00e4 Publishing, 2018<\/strong><\/h6>\n
Footntoes have been added later for the purpose of helping with translation into Chinese.<\/strong><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not Gay As In Happy I\u2019m not gay as in happy but queer a   …\u66f4\u591a\u5185\u5bb9<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9123"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9123"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9123\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9912,"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9123\/revisions\/9912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eu-china.literaryfestival.eu\/zh-hans\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9123"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}